Echoes of Mahnoor

It's strange how all your life you've held yourself together. Like trying to carry all the groceries in one trip, refusing to make a second round because you've convinced yourself you should be able to manage it all. Like gathering every piece of laundry in both your hands, carefully making sure not a single sock slips onto the dirty floor. Like standing in front of the stove, watching the milk so it doesn't boil over because you know you'll be scolded for making a mess. Somewhere along the way, you learn that everything is your responsibility. Dropping something feels like failure. Asking for help feels like weakness. So you convince yourself that you're okay, even when every part of you is screaming that you're tired. And then they come along. They hold you the way you'd hold a butterfly with torn wings, afraid that even the slightest pressure might hurt it more. They hold you the way you'd cradle a weak kitten, careful enough not to frighten it. T...

There are people who spend years in our lives and leave almost nothing behind. Then there are people who stay for a few months, a few conversations, or even a single afternoon, and somehow leave fingerprints all over the person we become. That makes me wonder if they know the change they instilled in me. I wonder if my Physics teacher knows that he saw potential in me when I couldn't see it myself.  I wonder if my Sports teacher knows that entrusting me with the netball team taught me confidence and responsibility.  Seeing potential in someone is much like sunlight falling on a flower. The sun doesn't ask the flower to bloom overnight, it simply keeps showing up every day until, one day, the flower blossoms into something beautiful and fragrant.  Sometimes, all a person needs is someone who believes in them before they can believe in themselves. Then I wonder if that friend who broke me ever realized that they taught me when to leave. We spend so much time thinking about ...

I thought leaving would hurt the most. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to let go of someone who once meant everything to you, so I prepared myself for sleepless nights, for the urge to text them, for missing them in places they'd never even been. I prepared myself for grief. What I hadn't prepared myself for was relief. The day I walked away, I wasn't counting the things I had lost. I remember feeling lighter, almost guilty for how light I felt. I kept wondering if something was wrong with me. Wasn't I supposed to be heartbroken? Wasn't I supposed to miss them? Why did breathing suddenly feel easier? Relief almost felt like guilt, especially when the people around me made me feel as though leaving had been the wrong choice. It made me question myself. Had I given up too soon? Had I failed to fight hard enough? Was I the problem all along? For the longest time, I convinced myself that I had escaped untouched. I told myself that maybe I hadn't loved deepl...